Discernment

Do you pray for discernment in your decision making, and day to day life?

I sure do. I pray for it all the time. Discernment in speaking the right words, making the right decisions, particularly when I am conversing with other people.

There is nothing that upsets me more than to be misunderstood. And I don't mean upset as in angry, I mean upset as in saddened and hurt. Because, although I don't always succeed, I strive to put a lot of thought into every communication that I have with others, and to be intentional in what I say. Particularly in writing, and it can be very hurtful to have it all thrown aside for a mere misunderstanding.

I believe that, since we are emotional beings (particularly us female kind of humans), that we are prone to making snap decisions based on how we feel in the moment. I am certainly guilty of that. And because of this fact (I do not like to be, or admit that I am an emotional person) I pray for discernment instead. That instead of making a decision based on how I feel, that I would make the decision based on the leading of the Spirit and of Jesus--which more often than I would like to admit, goes against what I am feeling at that moment. But always ends up being the right thing in the end, and I always feel good about what I've said when I've filtered out my feelings. And when I don't, I find I'm regretful of what I wrote or said.

I feel like people (in general) are too quick to respond, particularly under an emotional charged situation. Yes it is life, and just how human beings are, but I would encourage you to train yourself to pray, swallow and take a deep breath before responding emotionally to anything...that's all I'm saying here.

What does this have to do with ministry? LOTS!! 95% (or perhaps more) of your ministry is going to be perceived through your communication with others, and your ability to do so well. It doesn't matter if your ministry IS communication based or not...that is still how people will take in information about you. So therefore, when you are in ministry, or even when you just want your day to day life to be a ministry, it is vital to be praying for discernment in communication with others.

An interesting exercise

So, on a worship website that I am a member of, we have been talking through (just for fun) what we wanted to be when we grew up. As a result, a few of us (and I'm sure more will) have written out in more detail the changes and progressions in what we wanted to be.

And through that--I realized that there are quite a few consistencies which I had never realized before. Especially regarding music. It's just kind of fun to see it all written out. So I thought I would share it here too...

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Okay--so I don't keep repeating myself...I ALWAYS wanted to be a mom (and to this day)...so I won't write it every time--but you can insert it yourself in every single line.

• When I was in Kindergarten, I wanted to be 2 things 1. A mom 2. A car washer (remember the days when all gas stations were full serve, and they'd squeegee your windshield? That's who I wanted to be) lol!
• In 2nd grade, I wanted to be Young Cosette in Les Miserables. I knew her entire part by heart.
• In 4th grade, I wanted to be on that show "Star Search" Oh gosh I loved that show...
• In 8th grade, I wanted to be an OBGYN Nurse (because it would mean I'd get to be with the babies in the hospital!) but soon after I realized that you actually had to like science in order to become a nurse. And I have since realized that I did not miss my calling in the medical profession (since I get queasy with disfigurement and that sort of thing...) yuk. I actually fainted once when a friend of mine broke her nose (and when I broke my nose, my friend who took me to the hospital wouldn't let me look in the mirror...she was afraid I'd faint on her. LOL!)
• In 9th grade, I wanted to be a professional singer. (and changed my mind to wanting to be Eponine in Les Mis instead--since I'm an alto..lol)
• In 11th grade, I realized that there wasn't anything I wanted to do that school could help me with (I just wanted to be a stay at home mom!) So I wasn't really sure what to do with myself...but kept on going (and had every intention of going to college anyway) and when people would ask me what I wanted to be, I'd make stuff up...because I didn't want people to know that I only wanted to be a stay at home mom (at the time, women all had careers for the most part...so it wasn't cool to want to stay home)
• In college, I wanted to go on Staff at Teen Missions International. I almost dropped out of college to do so...but then thought better of it.
• And in college...I still struggled with a 'profession' I just didn't feel called to any profession. It was really hard. My major finally 'clicked' for me the second semester of my senior year. Talk about cutting it close right?
• And then post college--I discovered Mary Kay, and realized that was the sort of 'profession' that I wanted, and have loved it ever since.
• And now? Well, Mary Kay of course. Still want to be a stay at home mom someday. And a desire to be a musician's wife. Not necessarily a professional musicians wife...but that would be okay too.
• Oh--and I still would love to be Eponine...but the show isn't running anymore Sadly...

So, to add a little more about Teen Missions.

• I went twice as a team member (when I was 16 and 17), and it really opened my eyes to missions work and the importance of that. And it honestly captured my heart.
• Even more so when I became a leader. I led 3 peanut teams (who are 7-9 year olds) and one teen team. I just loved connecting with the kids, and taking care of them.
• I really thought I was supposed to go on staff at Teen Missions, but no.
• But to this day, there is a huge place in my heart for organizations like this, which ushers teenagers (and younger) into spreading the Gospel. My children will absolutely be doing something like this at least once in their lives. It changed my entire world. It made my faith real to me, and personal to me. Having grown up in a christian home (which I am forever thankful for) I never had a 'before' and 'after'. So I needed something to make my faith personal, and this did it.
• So, while I don't think I'm currently called to go on staff on Teen Missions, or to be a full time missionary, I certainly will always feel connected to organizations like this, and hope to volunteer with them again someday.
• This is why, when I attended Passion::Boston, it immediately re-lit the fire in my heart that Teen Missions had started, for serving students and teaching them to go out into the world. I believe that is where my calling is in missions. To enable others, and encourage others.

Trusting

I also thought I would share something more personal.

One of the things that I realized I am being told by God (in the past few months) is that I have to be willing to let go of the things I desire in order to keep them. Which is not always easy. This pertains actually to something pretty specific that I am not ready to share about, and so at times the reality of this fact is hard to swallow. However, on the other hand, I have an overwhelming peace that The Lord will take care of this, that I don't need to worry or be anxious. All I have to do is follow.

And if I truly let go of this desire, and lay it at His feet, I will be blessed beyond understanding. Which in my head and heart I know. Just sometimes in life, it isn't so easy to do. But I'm doing it. And even though it isn't always fun or easy or makes me feel good, I also know that it is the right thing to do.

So, I encourage anyone reading this--what in your life are you holding on to so tightly that even God can't get involved? I would challenge you to let it go, release it to Him, and see what happens. You'll be blessed beyond your expectations. And if you release it, and it flies away, then something better will land later on. It's better to let it go and wait for God's best, then to settle and have to deal with the consequences of that later on.

20-Something's

So, we had our first meeting last night at church for the new 20-something's group. It got me very excited about the direction that this group is going to head.

Yes, I will likely end up being in a 'leadership' position of some sort (I've already taken on the emailing and coordinating position...lol) but I think just about everyone else who was there will be leaders too. Which is great. There were 12 of us there--and it's a good group of people, I really like them a lot. And I think we're going to have a great time together, and as I said, will likely end up being the leadership team.

There is a video series that we are watching called "ReGroup" which is put out by Willow Creek Association. It's interesting to be putting together a group based on a video...and at first I was skeptical. But once we got going, I saw the purpose of it. The video simply prompts different discussions, and the discussion time that we had was very good. I really feel like I got to know a few of these people pretty well. It was great.

So, next week we are meeting again to do session #2 of the video, the purpose of which is to help us define what we want our group to 'be' or 'do'. I'm looking forward to that, and to start to define our focus. The following week, Kim and I are hosting a dinner with this group so that they can see what we were doing with our 'social gatherings', and it will give us more opportunity to get to know each other better.

I'm really looking forward to seeing where we all fall into place as time goes on.

In my lap

God has a sense of humor, and impeccable timing.  (Would I expect anything different?)  Of course not.

I find it interesting that as I am processing through what I think about ministry, and where my place in ministry is...that one happens to fall into my lap.  And not one I was expecting.

Today after church, I attended a luncheon for the makings of a twenty-somethings group.  The church I attend is a church plant, we just celebrated our 4th anniversary.  So as a church, we are obviously still pulling together groups and that sort of thing.

So, the greatest need right now is for the post-college group.  Which I think is true for most churches.  So anyway...we're trying to build this group from the ground up.

So--its a long story, so I won't share all of the details...but it came out in the meeting (there were about 15 of us there) that one of my great skills is communication and bringing people together (thanks to my friend Kim).  And that Kim and I did a bunch of parties last year, with our age group (being ages 21-35 lol), and had already tried to get this ball rolling on a twenty-something group in that time.  Only to have summer come along, and it fizzled with busy schedules, and has never restarted.  So, Kim and I sort of got voted in to be part of the leadership team in getting this off the ground.  I completely was not prepared ahead of time for this, I didn't realize that this was what the meeting was going to be about.  I guess I didn't really think about it.  I really thought I was walking into a meeting about a group that had already been figured out by the ones holding the meeting...I didn't think that they'd turn it back on us.  But I think it is good that they did.

Anyway, my initial reaction was to feel a little unsure about getting involved with a leadership team of such a group here in Maine.  Since...I still am pretty sure that I'm moving.  Not sure when yet, but I know it is going to happen.  

So getting involved in such a large project, may not be such a good idea.  I certainly do not want to just up and leave after making a commitment to be on a leadership team.

And Kim is moving this summer--her office is moving, so we both shared this concern.  But, we talked to Larry, who is helping to spearhead this group, and explained to him that we are willing to help in any way we can, but that we wanted to be sure he knew that we may not be here for long.  Well, Kim definitely will not be...I am unsure of how long I'll be.  But he seemed fine with that.  I'm sure they are wanting any help they can get at this point.

So I'm actually looking forward to helping this group get on its feet.  I initially, as I said, was a little anxious about it, but when I really thought about it, I realized that I think I was in this meeting for a reason.  I really do think I am supposed to do this, and am now excited about it.

Kim and I talked about it, and with our experience in party/social planning (as we did it for like 8 months last year), and with my experience and ability in event planning, and people organizing...  I really think we can get this off of the ground, and train some of the other people to take over when we go.  Teach them how to do it.  And that is when I really saw my place in this.  The nice thing is that it won't be just Kim and I this time around...it'll be a larger leadership group.  My concern still though, is that even in a leadership 'group', there still has to be a 'leader'...and I'm afraid that position may fall on me.  But I guess I can't really worry about that, if I am meant to be the leader, even for a time, so be it.  I'll just put it in God's hands, and do what I believe I am meant to do.

Besides, we were definitely the oldest ones in the room (most of them were either still in college, or just out of college) - we are almost not in this age group anymore--so, I figure, that our job as the 'big sisters' are to train the next ones to take over.  I see that as my place in this anyway.

So--I'm not sure how long term this will be...but I'm excited to help this group start up.  Our first official meeting is this Tuesday night, and we'll start to figure out the leadership team a little more specifically, and who is going to do what, and....what we are going to do as a group.  Because, we just aren't sure what our purpose is, besides bringing together the post-college crowd.  Are we going to do a Bible Study?  Are we going to gather socially for dinner?  We aren't sure yet, that is part of what we have to decide.

Women in Leadership

So--what about women in leadership?  Well, I think women make fantastic leaders.  Some of the best leaders I know are women.

Women can be teachers, bible study leaders, ordained as pastors, deacons, heads of corporations...but I do think there is a stopping point at which women should be in leadership.  Now, DO NOT misunderstand what I'm saying.  Let me explain.

The Bible states very clearly that man is the head of the household.  I believe that a 'household' not only applies to just that, but also to churches, and COUNTRIES!  Don't you think that the United States is quite a 'household'?  Which is where I have a problem with Hilary Clinton.  It wouldn't matter if it were her, or any other woman.  I do not think that President of the United States is meant for a woman.  This is not meant to be offensive to my gender in any way.  Don't you think that First Lady is quite a position to hold?  The First Lady is the most powerful, and (hopefully) most respected woman at least in the entire country, possibly in the entire world.  First Lady is feminine, and strong, and smart, and loved the world around.  I'd say that is quite the position to hold, wouldn't you?  But obviously it wasn't enough for her, which I think is just too bad.  I'm not going to rant about Hilary, it is just disappointing to me that First Lady wasn't enough for her.  

I do not have any issue with her being a Senator, or holding any other political position she wishes (short of the Presidency)-why can't she just have aspirations of being a Supreme Court Judge?  I may not agree with her views, but I do not have issue with the office she currently holds.  Or with the fact that she was First Lady.  But President is going too far.  Even Condoleezza Rice I think is fine in the position she holds!

I feel the same way about churches.  I do not think that a woman should be the head pastor in a church.  Women can be children's pastors, worship leaders, even associate pastors and deacons, but I get worried when I hear that a woman is the head pastor in a church.  I do not say any of this to offend anyone--I'm just stating my opinion.  Women are known to make decisions based on emotions, whereas men tend to make them a little more practically (and this is coming from a very practical woman!)

Anyway--I just feel like women (generally speaking) feel the need to embrace the power that these high positions hold, and prove themselves in a mans world.  I do not mean that in a sexist way!  Women run households, keep track of everyones schedules, run corporations, and have amazing abilities as leaders.  I hear many a men say that their wives tell them what they need to do, where to go, what to wear.  And I don't doubt that for a second.  "The man is the head of the household, but the woman is the neck, and can turn the head any way she wants"  I think that is so true.  I think that often times, God speaks to men through their wives.  But we as women need to be willing to submit ourselves to our husbands, just as The Bible says.  And through that we will be blessed, as will our husbands, and households and children.

So, what is my point?  Embrace who you are as a woman.  Don't try to measure up to men or to be like them.  Not because you won't ever get there (which you won't).  But there is just no comparison!  Men and women were created to be completely different.  We were created for different purposes--to fulfill different roles on this earth.  And when women try to take on roles which men were created for, it not only destroys her femininity, it also confuses men.  (But that is a whole other topic that I won't get into right now.)  What man would want to marry a women who acts like, or looks like a man?  No man that I know.

Women were created to be nurturing, soft, beautiful, caretakers, and master planners.  Men were created to be the hunters, providers, warriors, protectors.  We are meant to compliment each other, not to compete.

So...can you guess how I feel about women in the military?  I probably shouldn't go into it, so I won't.

My second stab at femininity

I think there are 2 common misconceptions about women, (which we lay upon ourselves). First, that we aren't good enough or can't ever measure up (to who?? other women of course), and secondly in order to get anywhere in life (particularly professionally)--we have to give up the things that are important to us (namely our families).

I know I can't convince you by simply telling you that you don't NEED to measure up--but what else can I do? You're reading a blog, written by me, and I can't convince you of anything you don't already believe. But--I am here to tell you, that you were made intentionally, by God the Father. If you're thinking that isn't comforting at all--it's time for you to take stock in the amazing things that make you, you. Maybe you have beautiful hair, or eyes. Maybe you can sing, maybe you are good with babies, maybe you take care of a loved one, maybe you are a great student or athlete or teacher. Everyone has things that make them unique and beautiful. If you can't (or don't want to) identify them in yourself, ask a girlfriend, or your mother, or another woman that you know to help you out. Yes...it will be a little awkward. Yes, you're probably going to be embarrassed...but I can assure you that it will be an invaluable exercise. If you can't bring yourself to ask another woman, ask God to start to reveal the things that make you beautiful and unique. And guess what, He will.

We are our own worst critics, and we are awful about critiquing each other... Well...we assume that we are awful about critiquing each other anyway... Don't we always think that when we walk into a room that every other woman is sizing us up? Don't we always think that there is no way we are as pretty as that woman standing over there-only to have the thought change to--"I could never wear that dress/shoes/hairstyle/makeup" (whatever it might be)? Well--let me put this twist on it. Whenever we walk into a room, who are we thinking about? Ourselves! Think about it. We are always concerned what everyone else thinks about us. So....therefore, what do you think everyone else is thinking? Not about you!!! So, I hope that takes some pressure off--if it doesn't, go back and reread this. We worry about ourselves. And I don't mean that in a selfish way. But it is the truth.

My second point, is that we are often forced to give up the things that we really believe in, in order to be anything in this world. As women, we are told that we have to make a choice. Family, or career. You can't have both. Now...depending on the career you choose, that could be true. You do have a choice in the matter you know. And I'm not knocking anyone for choosing a career. That is your choice. There are choices in careers though, that will also allow you to spend a significant amount of time with your family (for example Mary Kay...and other home based businesses too). Most of them won't bring in gobs of money, but they are out there. And the majority of women feel incredibly guilty about going to work, while they're kids sit in daycare anyway. And I cannot tell you how many times I hear that one of the parents incomes (usually the wifes) is just paying for the daycare anyway...so what is the point? If you are one of those women, it might be time to re-visit why it is you are working. Is it because of the money? I already said there are other jobs out there that will allow you more time with your family. Is it because you feel like you are identifying yourself through a job? If so, I have the same answer. There are jobs out there which will allow you time with your family. And for the record--neither of those reasons for having a job/career are bad! They are great reasons to have a job! You need something outside of the house, something else to focus on. You just have to make the choice, how do you want to order your life? What is the most important thing? I cannot answer that question for you.

So--this brings me into my next train of thought, which is women in high powered careers (I'm thinking specifically of Hillary Clinton, and will use her as an example) but I'm not going to write about it tonight. I have lots to say about this. :) So I'll save it for another day and another post.

My first stab at femininity

So, I mentioned before that one of the big topics for me is femininity.  

I realize this can be a hot topic for a lot of people.  But I hope that you'll give me a chance before you blow me off.  Just consider what I have to say about it.

What is the first thing you think of when I say the word 'femininity'?  Do you think of a 1950's housewife, in the kitchen cooking the perfect dinner?  Do you think of that pair of high heeled shoes that you either own or would love to own?  Do you think of your makeup bag?  Whatever it is that you picture, I would like to share my thoughts on femininity.

I mentioned before that I am a Mary Kay consultant.  It is easy to see where being feminine fits into that world isn't it?  Everything is pink (in fact we call it our 'pink bubble'), we are selling cosmetics after all, and the majority of the company is made up of women.  This is a company which truly understands what the most important things in a woman's life are.  God, Family, and Career.  Not only do they understand that, but they expect every woman in the company to order her life that way.   God first, Family second, Career third.  I don't know what you think, but that blew me away.  This company embraces family so closely, that it is still a privately owned family company even!  This company encourages women to think like women, to do business like women, to lift each other up like women naturally do.  Wait a minute--women lift each other up?  They do!  I know it doesn't always seem that way...but women naturally want to help each other, and befriend each other. The world may not always encourage that, but this company does.  You actually will not succeed in this company unless you help the women around you.  I love that.

What I haven't mentioned is that my full time job is selling Power Tools.  Power Tools?  What?  What is feminine about that?  Well, honestly, not much.  I'd say that 99% of the business I am in is male dominated...obviously.  As a woman in this business, there are times that I have to 'prove' my knowledge.  I have to prove that I know what I'm talking about.  I have to prove that I am knowledgeable about the tools that I sell.  And it isn't always easy.  There are times (though it is rare) when the man on the other side of the phone, asks to speak to a male before he even gives me a chance.  Like I said, it is rare.  It maybe happens twice a year.  Maybe.  When that happens, it isn't worth the argument, and I transfer them off to one of my coworkers.  But most of the time, the man on the other end of the phone is very receptive to me.  Especially once they realize that I really do know what I'm talking about.  What is my point?  Well, even through selling power tools, and speaking knowledgeably, I remain obviously female.  I am not talking just about the sound of my voice (which obviously I cannot change), I am talking about the way that I speak, the phrases I use, the way I converse.  I am not willing to 'become a man' and jeopardize myself as a woman in order to survive in this job.  It isn't necessary first of all.  My customers expect me to answer when they call, and they even ask for me if I don't answer the phone.  Am I proud of that?  Absolutely.  Did I have to work hard to gain that respect?  Very.  But did I loose my femininity in the process?  Nope.  Most of them even know that I sell Mary Kay too.  They think it is fantastic.  Yes, most of the time I wear boots and jeans to work--on the off chance that I'm going to have to give a tool demo to a walk-in customer, but I wear makeup everyday (even though most of my business is on the phone), I wear pink shirts (and shoes!), I look like a girl everyday!  I actually really love being feminine in a male world.  It took some getting used to...but I really love it.

I am going to end this post for the moment (hopefully I'll get to at least one more tonight) but I am nowhere near done on this topic.  I just think I should break it up into smaller pieces, rather than make a whole long one.  :)

My ministry

So--since I mentioned in my first post (scroll down to read it) that part of this blog will be about my ministry(ies), I thought I would share more about that.

So--where do I see myself in ministry? Well...that is a loaded question. The first thing I mentioned above was music. Where in music do I see myself? I am not sure yet. I sing, I love to sing, I'm told I sing very well. I think I sing well. I have been told that my voice appeals to all ages, which I think is probably a pretty rare thing. Do I want to be a professional singer? Not really, I'm not aspiring to be anyway. Would I turn down the opportunity if it were presented to me? No, probably not. I would want to give it a shot. But I really don't see that as my place--not as a solo artist anyway. I really see myself more in a place like Christy Nockels. Maybe not quite so focused on the music as her...but then again, you never know. But--the types of ministry that she is in, speaking to women, singing in praise/worship bands, staying home with her children--that is exactly where I see myself.

I also recently became more aware of the Passion conferences. I have volunteered with them twice now (this is also how I became more familiar with Christy Nockels, since she sings with them), and what I love about volunteering with Passion is connecting with the college students. I could stand there all day long, and just talk to them. Find out where they are from, what they think of the conference, and if they are willing to tell me more about themselves I am willing to listen! I could honestly just talk to people all day long, just to find out more about them. That is where my gift in relationships comes in. I had never really considered the fact that this was a gift, until my friends started to point out that I was really good at bringing groups of people together, and staying in contact (thank heavens for email!!) And once I started to 'watch' myself in social situations, I started to realize that they were right. I make friends very quickly. I guess I had never considered it a gift before, until I realized that not everyone does that. Now, it might surprise you to know that I actually consider myself to be a shy person. And I really am. In a group setting, say at someone's house, I tend to be very quiet and just observe what is going on. I will never fight for the spotlight--I'm one of 4 kids--I don't win that fight ever. But if I am put in a position of being 'in charge'-like say at Passion -where my most recent job was to talk to students and greet them- I can very easily go out of my way to say hello and strike up a conversation. Where as if I were the student on the other side of that, I would wait for someone to approach me.

I also have a great ability for event planning, in my head I am very organized. Now, you wouldn't know it to look at my house. There are papers, and other things, piled everywhere. My house is clean...just very cluttered. Some days are worse than others. It figures that whenever my Grandmother is here it is at its worst. Grammie--I promise it doesn't look like that all the time!! :) I'm at a loss what to do with paper, and mail (again, thank heavens for email). But put me in charge of planning an event, or a night out with the girls (and guys), and I'll have every detail down to the T.

So--how do these 3 things mix together? I haven't figured that out yet. Being involved with a ministry like Passion, obviously fits these things. However, Passion is not looking for new people. And that's okay. I think I would rather go in on the ground floor of something new anyway. I love helping something new get off of the ground.

Recently, I was in Austin. And through some (I believe) providential connections, I started playing phone tag, and then emails (after leaving Austin) with Paul Vick. He has a ministry to college students, he travels around the country ministering to them. He's also a musician and a pastor. Could this be a ministry for me to get involved with? I'm not sure yet, but I am excited to meet this man and talk about the possibility. I am going back down to Austin again in May, and will meet with him while I'm there.

This brings me to my last thought for this post. Where do I see a family fitting in to this? Well, currently I am single...so it isn't an immediate concern. But it is something that I think about a lot, naturally. I'm 28 years old, of course I think about it. Most little girls grow up knowing that they want to be a mom, or a doctor, or an astronaut, or a nurse, or a teacher, or a pastor's wife. I think little girls have a very good sense of what their lives will look like down the road, even if they don't consciously know it. When I was 5, I wrote in a Kindergarten class, that I wanted to be a Mom and a Car Washer (remember the days when all gas stations were full serve, and they would squeegie your windshield?) That's who I wanted to be. The squeegie girl. :) Cute right?

Well, I have put my dreams of being a car washer aside, but not a mom. It is something I desire greatly, and see a lot of my 'ministry' being to my own children. But that will just have to wait, obviously. But what else? I'm not just someone's future mother. There is more to me than that. Well--I also see myself as a musicians wife. And I think this is where a lot of my music may come in to play. I don't necessarily mean a professional musician's wife....although I think that would be a life that I would very easily adapt to. If I married a professional musician, I could easily fulfill my 'music' portion of my ministry by singing occasionally with him. I can see that happening. I hadn't really considered that either, until my friend Jen told me that she saw me doing that. She told me that she could see me doing what Christy Nockels does (which is what spurred that piece on). That she wouldn't be surprised if I did end up married to a professional musician, and then could be a stay at home mom, but also travel with him and sing with him. I have to admit, it is appealing--and would be a dream come true to do such a thing. But even marrying a Worship Leader who works at the local church would be wonderful. I can see that happening too.  But, for all I know--I may not even marry a musician--and that would be okay too.  I just want to marry someone who would support me in this venture if this is the road I started to take.

But alas--as I said, I am single--so that also will have to wait. So I'm also not only someone's future wife. There is still more to me than that. And I think this is the point I am trying to get to. It took me 26 years to figure out that I'm not just someone's future wife. It took me 26 years to realize that I had to be someone, in order to be someone. Make sense? And not that I wasn't a 'someone' before...but my goal before was always to get married, settle down, have children. If that had happened at an early age for me, I think I would have lost myself, and been pretty miserable.

What I've found out about myself, is that I am strong, independent, beautiful, feminine, smart, fun, and the list goes on and on. This is not about bragging rights. If you know me at all, you know I am the last person on earth to shout my own praises. I much prefer that it doesn't happen. But I say all of this, especially to young women, that you must find your self worth in The Lord. You must find your self worth in what you do, day to day. You must find your self worth in YOU! Otherwise, you will loose yourself while trying to take care of everyone else. Because that is what we as women do. We put everyone else first, our own self comes dead last; every time. But what I have learned, is that although I come last a lot--which is okay--I also know when to put myself first. And that is so important.

What did it for me? Well, a combination of things I think. Mary Kay for one. I am a Mary Kay consultant, and I have learned more about myself through this company than I think in any other way. This is where I found my beauty and independence and confidence. Also through my family. I live right across the street from my parents currently. And although I hardly ever see them (which is crazy since our houses look right at each other) there is a comfort in knowing they are right there. There is a comfort in living on the street that I grew up on, that I am so familiar with. This gave me more independence than I ever expected. Go figure. Some people go to college, and then go off to see the world. I went to college, stayed near Boston for a few years, and then moved back home. I never expected to move out of my hometown again once I came back. I love it here, this is where I belong. But much to my surprise, the purpose in gaining my independence by moving home, was to prepare me to move away. Ironic isn't it? I moved home to find my independence to then go out in to the world. To each her own, right?

So- I am moving. Where? I'm not exactly sure yet. Austin seems like the most likely place right now--but I am still figuring that out. The Lord has opened what appears to be a few doors for me there, hence my visit again coming up in May. I need to see if they are really open doors, or just open connections with people. Either way, my connection with Austin is ordained by God. It's pretty amazing.

So--that was a very long post. I think this will be the way of it on this site. I'm sure I'll have some short ones too along the way, but I would wager to say that most will be pretty long. Once I get going--it's hard to get me to stop. Just imagine what it would be like if I were speaking to you in person. :) When I was little my parents used to say "tell us the abridged version Kate" Well...there won't be much for abridged versions here--just to warn you ;)

This blog

The purpose of this blog will be for me to share more specifically about ministry that I am involved in and aspiring to be involved in. Unlike my personal blog, which is more about my day to day life and the people who I love, this blog is going to be focused on my attempt at being even a small piece of furthering the Kingdom of Heaven.

This blog will include a lot of personal experiences, and thoughts, and may touch on subjects not directly related to ministry itself, but certainly has an affect- not only in my own ministry, but also in ministry as a whole. For example, a huge topic for me is femininity, and the role that being female has in ministry. Because it is huge! But may not be what you expect me to say. Although maybe it will. We will have to see. Either way, I hope that I can inspire readers to think more about ministry, and their role in it.

Obviously anything I write in this blog is of my own personal opinion. I can only share my own thoughts, I can't share from others experiences directly. I'm only me!